I am the very model of a modern Major-General
I've information vegetable, animal and mineral
I know the kings of England and I quote the fights historical
From Marathon to Waterloo and categorical
I am very well acquainted, too, with matters mathematical
I understand equations, both the simple and quadratical
About binomial theorem I'm teeming with a lot of news
With many cheerful facts about the square of the hypotenuse
I'm very good at integral and differential calculus
I know the scientific names of beings animalculous
In short, in matters vegetable, animal, and mineral
I am the very model of a modern Major-General
I know our mythic history King Arthur and Sir Caradoc's
I answer hard-acrostics, I've a pretty taste for paradox
I quote in elegiacs all the crimes of Heliogabalus
In conics I can floor peculiarities parabolous
You know, this song is kinda dated. It's supposed to be modern major general. I'm gonna add a new verse.
I can fire at a target and hit it at least half the time
with graphite I don't like how I can only make numbers rhyme
I calculate the fall rate of a bullet shot a thousand yards
I perforate the thick heads of a hundred military guards
I can make a simulation of an atom bomb and build one too
Or flank a dozen men and ambush ten of them right out of the blue
From SMGs to RPGs, I carry quite an arsenal
And skip around a war zone like a sub-atomic particle
Every soldier out here wants to kill me for my curiosity
I wage war on the whole damn world because of my tenacity
In matters combat tactical and physics theoretical
I am the very model of a modern Major-General





